Introduction

So often, I hear couples talking about their wedding and the things they’re dreaming of for it,and it often seems that they’re focused solely on the reception. Your ceremony, though, is the momentous occasion when you actually get married to each other. Why does it often seem to get less attention? Personalizing your ceremony is the best way to create a wedding that is truly meaningful. You have few opportunities to focus solely on your relationship with those you love. Don’t squander your biggest chance to tell your love story! Below, I’ll detail several ways to create a ceremony that truly reflects the two of you. Choose one or several of these to make your wedding truly your own, and enjoy the memories you create.

One: Share about your relationship 

Your guests don’t all know the entirety of your love story, but they would love to hear it! You can control how the narrative unfolds if you arrange to tell your story in your program, or have it told by your celebrant and/or one or more people you’re close to. You might have your celebrant talk about how you met, or your sister, brother, or friend detail when you knew your partner was the one. (I’m not suggesting that you allow them to write this; it’s your wedding, so what is being said needs to have your approval, of course.) But there’s no reason your readings have to focus solely on faith texts or song lyrics! You are absolutely free to write the things you want to be said at your wedding ceremony, and I highly encourage you to do so. These stories don’t have to wait until the toasts at the reception to be told for the first time.

Two: Choose music you love

Another way to tailor your ceremony to the two of you is to choose music you both love. You may have 3 different songs in the procession for family/VIP seating, wedding party procession, and your own walk down the aisle. You may choose to have one or more musical selections interspersed throughout your ceremony, and of course you’ll have the recessional, or song to which you’ll exit after the ceremony is completed. That’s 4 or 5 songs minimum. My most recent clients selected music from several genres for their processionals and recessional, while friends of mine used blues songs exclusively at their wedding many years ago. 

Having a faith-based ceremony? You still have more options than you think you do. Your music doesn’t necessarily have to be classical just because it’s in a house of worship, nor does it have to be especially “religious”; a great variety of love songs could be used. Talk to a musician at your place of worship, and ask them about some traditional and nontraditional music that they recommend. You may be surprised by their response. 

Three: Choose the escort(s) you’re closest to

Years ago, every young woman was walked down the aisle by her father, assuming he was living, and if he was not, it was usually her closest male relative. We’ve moved on from patriarchal norms, though. You could choose to honor both parents in this way, if you’re close to both of them. A step-parent might also fill this role if they were very important in your life. Your partner could choose to do the same, by the way; there’s no law that says you both can’t be escorted in! Alternatively, you may choose to walk in alone, or together. 

Four: Have someone meaningful to both of you perform the ceremony

If one or both of you are people of faith, you may choose to have the clergy from your faith tradition marry you. If you’re regular in attendance, after all, they may know you well by now, and this can be very meaningful. However, not everyone has a minister/priest, rabbi, or imam with whom they already have a relationship. Is there someone in your lives who you’re both especially close to? You’d be surprised how many people are flattered and excited by being asked to marry friends. Getting ordained is not difficult, and it’s entirely legal. As a planner, I can provide guidance for someone who’s performing a ceremony for the first time, and this is included in wedding management as well as full and partial planning.

Five: Write your own vows

Everyone is aware by now that you can write your own vows, and it’s a way to introduce deep meaning into your ceremony. These can be funny, tender, or both. Telling your chosen partner how and why you love them and are choosing life with them can be profound and sweet. Just give them some time and thought! Don’t leave something so important until the last minute. Again, I have information that can help you in doing this. Just ask! Another trend that’s gaining traction is to write your own vows and say them to each other during your first look, then make the vows in the ceremony more traditional. This is a great idea if you have things you want to say privately to your partner.

Six: Involve your children

Do one or both of you have children? Your wedding is also the formation of your family, so it’s considerate to involve your children in this ceremony in some way (assuming they’re old enough). Giving them something to contribute to the ceremony helps them to be invested in it, and your new family as well. Your kids could serve as your wedding party, or you could incorporate them into a unity ritual.

Seven: Include your pet(s)

I have yet to see a pet involved in a ceremony that wasn’t adorable! Our pets are an important part of our family, and if the two of you share a pet, then by all means, include them in the wedding ceremony! And don’t forget to dress them for the occasion. It helps to have someone designated to handle them for the day. Most venues will allow a pet in for the ceremony and pictures, though they will probably request that Fido go home afterwards.

Eight: Incorporate rituals that are meaningful to you

There are cultural and faith-based rituals related to marriage that may be important to you, depending on your background. Jewish couples break a glass, African-American couples may jump the broom, and couples exchange leis in a traditional Hawaiian wedding ceremony. Many couples create a unity ritual, whether a sand ceremony, lighting a unity candle, or handfasting. As mentioned above, this is a great time to include any children you have separately or together. Whatever your faith and cultural background, incorporate rituals into your day to create meaningful memories. I’ll cover unity rituals in a more in-depth post next month. 

Nine: Give some thought to your readings

For those of faith, you may choose to include readings from scripture, especially those that hold deep meaning for you. If you don’t wish to use scriptural readings, though, you do have many other options. Love songs, love poems, passages from books you love can all be read by your celebrant or by anyone else you designate. Those who are LGBTQ+ sometimes choose to read aloud the federal law granting all the right to marry. Whatever readings you choose, these offer insight into your relationship. Make it something that’s important to you.

Conclusion

I hope I’ve given you food for thought regarding your own wedding ceremony. Here at Buttercup Celebrations, we truly believe your wedding ceremony, like all aspects of your wedding, should be created in a way that reflects the two of you as a couple. We are able to help with ceremony planning as well as all aspects of wedding planning and design. Please contact us by phone or email to schedule a consultation, or use the inquiry form. We can’t wait to hear from you!